Modest Goddess

I heard about the most astounding thing today, and I believe it must be shared with all women. Two experiences, once considered as far apart as night and day, ying and yang, man and woman, can actually be shared in a single instance … orgasms and birth.

My lovely sister invited Mom and me to a Mother’s Day luncheon put on by the mother’s club in her town. I’d read the bio of the guest speaker, Debra Pascali-Bonaro, a childbirth educator whose many projects include a documentary about orgasmic birth.

Breathlessly I awaited the word throughout the chicken entrée. How could I have one? Women at my office were depending on me to bring intelligence back to them!

But no mention of the big O. Finally, after dessert, as Debra was getting up to leave, I darted over to her. “Please,” I said, clutching her sleeve as her eyes widened, in amusement or possibly alarm. “Tell me.”

I half expected her to say it was a joke, but sisters, no, it is not! There is even a Web site about it!

It tends not to happen in hospital settings, she explained, but in situations where women feel relaxed, like in home births. “Think about it. During birth, there’s amazing blood flow down there, not to mention the release of oxytocin,” she told me as I nodded vigorously. In twenty percent of these births, it happens spontaneously. Spontaneously!

And in other cases, women stimulate themselves while they’re pushing out those babies. My hat is off to the women who thought of doing this in the first place. It’s one of those unexpected but brilliant pairings, like chocolate and peanut butter.

The fact is, there’s great power in birth, as Debra told us. And by taking back control of the birthing process, women would regain the reins of power. We’re too willing to hand over control of our births, and it hasn’t helped us. A third of women in the United States have C-sections, until a few years ago performed in only the most extreme of medical situations, and yet our infant mortality rate is among the highest of industrialized nations, as a recent report shows.

Debra also talked about how oxytocin, the “hormone of love,” is released among females. Unlike in men, stress doesn’t set off the fight-or-flight response in us, she said. It triggers the need to be with other women. How often have you felt like picking up the phone and venting to a girlfriend when you’ve had a bad day? And how good does that make you feel? It reminds me of those maternal groups you see in nature, like in elephants. The female elephants gaggle up with their young and basically run the show. I wonder if they experience oxytocin when they’re together?

Oxytocin me, baby.